the unbearable lightness of being alone

On Sunday morning, I went out for supper with four people, partly to celebrate the end of my hall production, partly because we were hungry, partly because it was one of them's birthday.

Incidentally, these four people all happened to be attached. To each other.

Of course, I totally didn't realise everyone else would pangseh the supper and leave me alone with them...


Me, moments before realising everyone else pangsehed.

Needless to say, I felt like a miniature sun - SHINING with the light of a thousand lightbulbs. Of course, I tried to tactfully leave, but they wouldn't hear of it. Fwah.

With ninja quick reflexes, I managed diverted the topics away from relationships because I knew it would invariably end up with them proposing numerous "sisters" or friends of theirs for my consideration. Well. Thank (nominal religious icon/figure) for that.

And is it the season to become parietally attached to another person-figure these days? Couples are popping up like gerbera daisies in spring.

Somehow, I don't buy it, and it's not just the cynic in me speaking here.

I think attraction is just a deadly little game played out by two people.

Somehow, for me at least, it's very easy to not think about someone I am attracted to. And it only gets easier after a while, dying out with a sputter. That means that I wasn't really that interested to begin with, right?

And if I were to go ahead anyway, to try to pursue that attraction without knowing if it was real, I might end up putting other people and myself at risk of a backlash, assuming that it was just a beautiful illusion after all.

So, this deadly little game.



I don't think I should play. I don't believe I am mature enough to play this game.

Although, you know. You make me feel like I should try.

But, I guess I won't.


I think I'm going to lose anyway.