this is a public service announcement.

I'm worried.

No, I'm not worried about the upcoming exams. I barely flicker when people talk about the state of the hall, the block. I'm not registering anything when I hear that our neighbours are getting such and such, so-and-so for their efforts at donating to NUSSU and 19 other beneficiaries. There isn't a sense of impending doom as my hard drive grinds to a halt for the final time, dooming all it's passengers on board to a oblivion for lost data files. Nope, I don't get shudders of trepidation, or fear and loathing in loneliness when I think about how I pass my days. I certainly don't dread a life condemned to future laboring for paychecks to pay mortgages and instalments, the 9-to-5 life of slaving away to OUR GREAT SOCIETY.

I'm worried because everything seems so small when you think about dying.

23 years ago, I was born here on this planet, and in barely a flicker of time, I will die. What's going to be on my gravestone when I die? I really don't think it's going to say "Completed 100 Facebook quizzes" or "Finished Bioshock On Hard Difficulty" or even "Crown3d". Life isn't a game, and no one's going to be checking your gamertag profile or even going to care about your massive manga collection or the fact that you can speak 32 languages including binary and python, when you're dead. 23 years ago, I didn't choose to be born. Now the only thing on my mind is how I'm supposed to choose how to live.

I'm worried because I haven't figured out what I'm here for.

It's kinda hard, you know. How many of you have ever seriously thought about how you're going to live? Be honest here. You in the back, put your hand down, your mission in life isn't to get money, fuck bitches and smoke trees. That's idealism right there, and we'll have none of that nonsense around here. Some of us have it easy, you know, consigning your lives to a higher power, so you can basically tell yourself "Fuck it, I really dunno what I'm supposed to be doing, so I guess I'll just view everything I do as having meaning through serving someone bigger. There are greater forces at work here." And when someone does that on TV, we call it "railroading" through lack of imagination in scriptwriting, and wish they'd fire the writers (Here's looking at you and your "everything can be explained with time-travel", Lost).

And I think I think I think too much. That's me saying "I think too much", and the other guy's me thinking that the first guy (me) thinks too much, and I spend too much time thinking about these two guys (both me) thinking too much.

Loop to infinity, segfault, PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA.


Yeah, my brain probably runs XP. Hey, it beats Vista.